Here is Bella non her first Halloween.  We stayed home and Bella helped me answer the door an pass out candy.  We were both bumble bees. Although she was cutter.

 

 

 

 

Bella is becoming a little chatter box.  She is learning all kinds of words and loves to say them as well as the thousands of other sounds that she makes up. When we were driving home yesterday she was starting to whine in the back seat so I began to copy her and imitate the sounds she was making.  She then started getting loud and making different sounds at this point Bryan chimed in and we were all making random sounds at the top of our voices. It was one of those things that only other parents could understand.  From the outside we probably sounded like a bunch of banshees but we were having a good time and Bella got to "talk" to us in the car.  Those are the kind of moments that make me remember why I wanted to do this parenting thing.  I love watching her learn and all of the many ways in which she does that.

Most recently Bella has learned all of the different parts of the face.  She can't say them but will point to the nose, eye, and mouth.  I know most kids turning one can do that but I think it is just so cool.  She is getting a pretty big vocabulary as well. She now says a myriad of one syllable words such as; ball, dog, block, what, that, and of course mama and Dada. She also says thank you or what sounds like dank ooo when you give her things. She walks pretty well, she will walk unaided if she can see her destination (within four or five feet) or when she is distracted as in there is something in both of her hands and she thinks she is holding on to something.  a few days ago a commercial that had a good song was on and she walked out into the middle of the living room and stood watching the commercial until it was over bobbing up and down with the music and then realized that she was not holding on to anything and sat down. 

I am so amazed at all the things that she is learning and love watching her grow everyday.  That really is the joy of being a parent.

Wow the last month has gotten away from me. My parents have come and gone again, We Celebrated my brothers birthday, and I have been on my death bed.  The last one is only slightly mello dramatic.  I have been sick although not nearly as sick as I have been in the past it just wants to linger and not leave. 

I cannot believe that my baby is going to be a year old.  In my sick state I got her invitations printed up addressed and mailed this weekend.  It was about the only thing I could do but it made me feel like I accomplished something ( I hope i did not contaminate everyone who opens the invites =().  We are going to have her party 3 weeks from this Saturday.  But she actually turns 1 three weeks from today.  OMG. 

I feel like I have been going non stop and have not had time to catch my breath.  The holidays are fast approaching too and I feel the burn out coming.  I have to work this weekend next weekend I will be shopping for Bella's big day, the next weekend is the party, and the next is Thanks giving.  I need time for a breath.  After that it just goes down hill as the holidays are the busiest time at work for me.  I am taking this Friday off with Bryan and I think that we both just need to relax and breath.  It should be nice.  Well back to work.

I have developed anxiety...... It builds everyday and it is causing physiological symptoms.  Headaches, body aches, phantom pains, heart palpitations.  I need it to stop. 

In July the company I work for found out that the account that I work it was going up for bid.  So two other companies as well as my own put in bids for the account that I currently have. This in an of itself was not the worrisome as I work my ass off and do a damn good job if I do say so myself. What did concern me was that it was not going to be about who could do a better job but who could come in at a lower price.  We were told that we would know no later than October 1st.  It is now the 16th more than two weeks later and still not a peep. 

This is why i am getting anxiety.  Every day that goes by after that dead line I get more and more anxious.  At this point there is absolutely nothing that I can do other than continue to do my job day in and day out.  However, I feel a complete and total upheaval of my daily life coming and that scares me. 

Before I became a mother this would not have worried me nearly as much in fact I probably would have found the prospect of change exciting but now it is not just about me and Bryan alone.  It is about Bella. I have an 11 month old and a mortgage that will not pay for themselves.  If I lost my job I think we would have to put our house on the market and that means taking a huge loss. I love my house.  I love my job. Not everyday but as a whole I do love it. I love the people.  I have great friends.  Hence the anxiety. 

I have been waiting to post about this till I found out what was going to happen but since it is taking so F*ing long I had to get this off of my chest.  I am so glad it is Friday.  I was hoping to have found out by today though so that I could have relaxed a bit more this weekend.  I think I would be more relaxed with bad news then no news.  I wonder if the big wigs in Michigan know how tormented we are all becoming.  Do they even care?  Probably not?  So much for a mission run organization.(bitter and cynical much?)

I am now and auntie. My brother or I should say his beautiful wife had their baby a few weeks ago. Wow time really flies when you are busy.  I kept thinking I was going to make a post about it the next day or when I had a picture to post but I have not taken the pics off of my camera yet.  I digress.. So the birth story

Megan called me sunday night the 20th at about 9:00 and told me that she had been having cramps like menstral cramps but they came in waves.  I said honey your in labor congrats. Get some sleep cuz your gonna need it.  She was of course too wound up to sleep so she paced all night till about midnight thirty when she decided to go to hospital.  My grandma took her as my brother is a gigantic ass and decided to go to bed. They got her in and let her labor for a while till she hit 5 centemeters and got the epidural. Then apparently she said she needed to push and they let her.  What they didn't tell her was that she was still at 5cm. They let her push for three hours till she hit 9cm and then told her that the baby's "ear" was stuck and they were going to do a C section (this was a 6lb 4 oz baby with a tiny head). I was at home with a sick child of my own. I should have been there for her, but priorities.  By then she had been in labor four about 24 hours and had pushed for three. She assumed that the doctors were doing what was best for her and the baby. As she had a C section the baby was having problems breathing and then spent two days in the NICU all of which could have been avoided if any one of the people with her knew how to advocate for her and questioned the doctor at all. I kick myself for not being there.  The next thing that pissed me off was I went to see her when Bryan got home and could help with Bella and I asked when they were going to let her nurse Lydia? The nurse informed me that it was to hard work for the baby to nurse so Megan needed to pump and they would give her a bottle.  I asked about nipple confusionand if teh baby was intibated or anythign that would inhibit her from latchinga and she told me no it was just really hard work after a tramatic birth. When I tried to argue she told me I was riling up mom and I needed to leave.  I wanted to punch her in the face.  They also gave Lydia a pacifier inthe NICU.  I will never go to that hospital again.  It really made me appreciate the hospital that I went to with Bella. They looked out for me and knew what I wanted.

Despite the horrific hospital care mom and baby are doping great.  Megan is still having some problems with her incision but it is healing.  Bella and Lydia are going to get their pictures taken on Friday this week and I will post them when I have them. 

P.S. my brother did finally get off his lazy ass and assist when Megan started pushing at about 1:00pm. Sometimes I wish I could trade him in for her.  He makes me sad and he is mean to her. I love him but someone needs to kick him hard into reality.  He is a dad now.

I am absolutely in love with my daughter.  I could look at pictures of her all day long.  I am also obsessed with taking her picture. Photography in general but really portrait photography with Bella as my number one subject.  Here is the latest instalment to my photo gallery. 

I love all of the different facial experssions that she already makes.  You can totally ready her in a glance.  What can I say I am a gonner. 

Let me start by saying that this is my eleventh day at work and I am about to lose my mind.  Sometimes I take the world on my shoulders and I don't know when to say no.  My horoscope today said that I am very in tune with others emotions but not to take their pain on myself.  I thought yeah right and Jenn even joked that I was more likely to inflict pain in my present state then to take it on.  After I thought about it though I have been doing just that all week.  I have listened to and tried to solve problems that did not involve me for my staff. Also, another department was supposed to order me a product that they had received a grant for. The product came in and was wrong I got a third the amount for more money.  I tried to get someone to help me and tell me what to do with the product that I had a palate of sitting the back hall.  I called and emailed and when I was about to pull my hair out my boss told me to take a step back and sent out an email to the other department telling them that the problem was theirs and the money was theirs and if they wanted me to use the inferior expensive product that I would but if they wanted the problem fixed they needed to do it. 

One of my coworkers is driving me crazy.  This person is all about the attention and "good PR" for himself.  We have a pt that is to get higher level service for reasons I will not go into as I do not want to give any specifics or violate any statutes.  It is my job to ensure that this person gets what they wants as I am the patient care services manager.  This other person keeps sticking his nose in where it does not belong and antagonizing my staff. He wants me to know everything that the pt. orders and I really don't care.  As long as the pt. orders, gets what they orders, with good presentation and enjoys the food I could care less what it is.  Yes they gets special services but I have 200 other patients that I also care about.  If this person leaves the hospital and does not remember my name then I have done my job.  The only time people remember me is when they have something go wrong and I have to go up and apologize and fix it.  I wish that I did not have to follow this coworker around and clean up after him and apologize to my staff and even ask him to stay out of the areas he does not belong in.  I also wish that he could put two and two together.  I usually work early and Karen my other coworker usually works late.  This person works when he wants unless one of us is gone then he covers either early or late.  Well Karen is on vacation this week and it did not occur to him that he needed to stay in her stead.  He just left the kitchen with no manager.  I have the urge to by an I'm with stupid t-shirt and where it around when I am cleaning up his proverbial messes. 

 

I know that you can't fix stupid but is there a way to repel it.  I think that I must have a perfume that attracts stupid people to me.  I am not your mother my 10 month old could figure that problem out.  Why do I have to call engineering? I wish even half of my staff was like me.  I take problems to my boss under two circumstances the first and most frequent is to let him know that there was an issue and to let him know how it was fixed or how it is being fixed.  The other is when I have exhausted all my resources and need a fresh set of eyes to look at the problem.  I guess that is why I have the job that I do.  I cannot wait for my three day weekend.  I am going to the gym tonight to run off all my frustration, golf tomorrow with my loving husband and a wedding on Saturday in Russian which should be interesting.  Sunday is the day of rest and I full plan on it.  Maybe I will even be made an aunt this weekend.  All I know for sure is that I am counting down the hours till I can leave.

I have been soooo busy lately I keep thinking I am going to post today but inevitably life gets in the way of plans. Bella is 10 months on Thursday I cannot believe it.  She is a full blown cruiser, she takes unassisted steps but always to things that are one to two steps from her that she would rather not get on her knees and crawl to just to stand back up. She is so unbelievably smart.  Not that she is smarter than most kids her age it just constantly blows my mind watching hers work.  The other day after she was done eating I had told Bryan that she needed a bath.  A while later she decided to crawl into the bathroom and stand up on the side of the tub as if telling me she was ready for it.  When we told her it was not bath time and left the bath room she just hung out in there playing peek a boo with the door determined to get her bath.

She had her bath toy and did not want to come out.

She says "hi Dada" while waving, and a few days ago we were out to lunch and Bryan gave her her can of puffs and said help yourself and she said "thank you".  I am sure it was totally coincidence but we looked at each other as if to say did you hear that and we both started laughing. It was awesome.  She says mama a lot more lately but still mostly when she is whiny.  Her twelve month clothes fit her perfectly at the moment which means they will be too small any day some already are.  I went crazy this weekend and got her a bunch of 18 month stuff. I can't wait to put her in them and do a fashion show.  Most of them are for cooler weather though so I have to wait a few more weeks. I did buy the outfit that I am going to get her picture taken in for her birthday cards.

Her sitter my sister in law Megan is due any day now and little miss Bella has been a bit of a pain for her.  I can't wait till Bella has a cousin and I am sure Megan can't either.  She is due on the 29th but is 80% effaced and 1 cm dilated as of a week ago so could be any day now. Keep your fingers crossed that she gets some relief soon. Well I have to run but I will be posting again soon about stupid people.

I am utterly exhausted.  I even went to bed early last night.  I passed out immediately and then three hours later I was wide awake and could not get comfortable. I tossed and turned for more than two hours before I could get back to sleep and then it was 5:30 and my alarm was going off. WHY!!! Bryan tried to get me in the hot tube last night but I wouldn't do it I wanted to go to bed.

Bella is also teething so bad.  She has two teeth on the top and one on the bottom. She is getting her second on the bottom and two more on the top right now all three have broken through the surface in the last 72 hours. She ran a mild fever all weekend and was utterly miserable making Bryan and I utterly miserable.  Lots of Tylenol, Orajel and naps was all I could give her.  We have also discovered cucumbers.  We have been cutting thick slices of cucumber and giving it to her.  She bites down till it turns to mush then we give her another one. It is messy but effective.  She finally slept last night although I didn't and was not happy when I went into feed her this morning. When she was at my grandmothers yesterday she was really good and did not fuss the way she had over the weekend but she started up again when she got home.  The weird thing was though that she would not take a bottle, at all, all day. I nursed her three times last night and early this morning cuz I don't want her to get dehydrated.  She always takes her bottle, maybe she is starting to ween herself. I would be happy with this if she would drink from a sipper cup but she really dose not take that well either. I just worry about her getting enough fluids in the hot weather.

Question about kids feeding themselves with a spoon.  Bella reaches for the spoon when I feed her but she does not try to feed herself with it she just reaches for it and then bangs it on the tray.  I get frustrated because I usually feed her before I feed me and then I give her finger foods to keep her occupied while I eat so I really just want to get her fed.  I worry that by not giving her the spoon I am holding her back from learning how to use it.  What age did you start giving in and giving them the spoon?